There is one thing that I notice about myself recently.
That is I often say that I want something and not actually wanting to purchase it, instead I am merely interested in it.
Examples being perfumes, gaming console, clothes...
And the realization that I think purchasing things would make myself happier, but not wanting things enough to actually buy it. Did consumerism get to me that bad already that the idea of spending hard earned cash on shopping would somehow make my life better?
I am glad that I am "awake" enough to know that owning too many goods are a burden and getting rid of stuff is more satisfactory than having to own more.
At what point have our lives become so focused on money? Our scholarly goals were set in the hope for earning more money. The more we earn the more we spend, on better living standards. Better houses, better clothes, better everything. From apartment to houses, from houses to mansion, from mansion to real estate... There seemed to be no end. There is no limit to greed.
There seemed to be no way out of this. We have been taught this from the start.
One may pursue relationships, raising their child, indulge on the interests. One may not be blinded by materialistic satisfaction.
Also, I have been more out of touch from this world. Not using social media a lot, not reading the news, don't care if there is a typhoon or not, not going out and not interested in the latest trend whether or not that was games or anime or something else.
Still on the fence on whether or not to dye my hair again because that means maintenance and trouble, rather than how it looks.
There is a realization that the pursue of appearance is to pursue self expression and vanity. One example being how different I look when I do not go outside. I just don't give a fuck and take out piercings, not cut my hair and wear the oldest possible shirt for one week straight.
I still appreciate art like music and literature, but I just don't want to actively seek them.
There are so many things that have accumulated throughout the years that I want to get rid of. Too little was to keep me from happily die without regrets.
