It has been a while since I have posted.
I got myself a part time job, studied, and got laser eye surgery.
Got myself a turtle.
Later I will begin HRT and medically transition.
Lets talk about these subjects one by one.
I got myself a part time job at a sushi place. Worked like 40 hours per week and I asked to work for maximum 4 days per week. That means around 30 to 40 hours.
The pay was not very good, but was decent to say the least. It was not difficult at all, just... was either making sushi and being the cashier.
I am out of the closet at work, and to everyone else, but I think people just think that I am 'a weird girl'. Whatever. I am doing this for myself, not for others to see me a certain way.
I got laser eye surgery (smile) in feb. Still have 150 astigmatism and the doctor will perform LASIK on me later this month to correct that.
The fact that my eyesight is still bad after the surgery and was unable to get glasses because the eyes were healing and its condition will change quite rapidly during the healing, has got me quite depressed and did overdose on paracetamol one day.
As I am having quite a bit of money to manage on my own I have decided to eventually begin medical transition. That is taking testosterone.
Have seen the doctor and she said we can begin if the blood test came out normal.
I will see her in 2 weeks.
Also I have not talked about this with my mother and I do not know what she will make of it. This is giving me a lot of anxiety.
Medically transitioning is like getting out of the closet and shouting out 'I am TRANS' to everybody.
People who does not know me just assume that I am cis female and that is going to change (probably?). That thought is intimidating.
The thing about medically or surgically transition is that it is quite permanent. Making permanent changes to your own body is scary. Part of me knows that I am trans all along and part of me worried that I will detrans eventually. Who knows? Being myself that happened to be non binary is kind of hard already.
All the possible downsides of taking T can be worth it if my voice becomes lower. If that is not happening, well, other changes will happen, right?
I am too occupied with my own anxiety right now to care about anything else.
Also I got a pet turtle. The name is :) and she eats a lot. I once saw her eat her own poop.
My best friend is going to another country and I do not know what to make of it. I wanted to gift my friend with all the things that I found interesting because I am afraid that I will be unable to send them gifts in the future. But at the same time I am worried that these things will cause trouble because it means taking more things overseas. Do I or do I not get them food instead? That can easily be get rid of.
Also something I have discovered is that I really like taking showers. Not baths, but showers. Mainly because of using stuff that smell nice in the shower.This is good because deep in my depression I barely shower.
Two of my friends have gifted me with shower related stuff, I have no idea. Never told them I'd like these things because I like showers and it is a consumable, and that just show how much they know me.
