Well. The last week was not interesting. But I have made peace with the fact that I took testosterone and nothing happened. Also got over the fear of telling my mom because, it is what it is.
Regarding my identity as gender X. There is no social conatruct for third gender, yet. Trying to put non-binary people in different boxes that define gender is just not right. There is no social construct for their gender role. There is no physical attribute to non-binary. It is chaotic.
I have an assignment due in 2 weeks and I have not began writing it.
Gave myself a side shave and bleached my hair. It was so harsh on the hair I decided to leave bleaching the 3rd time and dyeing it blue for later.
When I said I would be fine with just two weeks to live, it was more than lyrical reference. I genuinely want to be so sick that I cannot be expected to achieve anything. And be applaued for just being alive.
i don't want to live but I don't feel like ending my life just yet. Just barely hanging on.
I know that I am unable to take criticism. Grtting things done and not just give up is too damn hard. I am exausted. The way I pick myself up and still go to work, did laundry and get dressed was a miracle.
